"I'm done. I'm just done." These were the first words my husband spoke to me after giving me the silent treatment for two days last week. Apparently he hates my life in the fandom - including, but not limited to - tweeting, facebooking, emailing, blogging, reading, traveling to meet "online" friends, etc. Really? You didn't like that blow job I gave you? Could've fooled me. That's too bad because I'm much more interested in sex because of fanfiction.
I understand. I really do. I have over a hundred pictures of another man on my phone. I would rather read and discuss fanfiction than watch American Idol. I take my phone everywhere and check it every 23.8 seconds. I've already admitted it's a sickness. This blog is about my addiction to this for fuck's sake! I know I've changed (see previous commentary). But why did it take him a year to fucking say something? And why did he have to torture me with silence? Because that's who he is.
"I'm not happy anymore." That was the second thing he said. That just screams mid-life crisis. Am I supposed to make him happy? Where's that manual? Maybe there's a fanfiction story I can read to help me out. Does it have a HEA?
I know what I need to do. I need to find more balance. I need to give him more of myself. I need to compartmentalize my life better. I need to schedule my life in the fandom much like I do everything else. Fuck.
We had problems before this. We've never communicated well. He's never been on my team and I've never been his cheerleader. We are not soulmates, if there is such a thing. "We don't have anything in common," he says. No shit Sherlock. We've never had much in common. We have gotten by because we really admire each other. We also adore the three amazing people that we created. I am weird and nerdy, passionate and flirty, spoiled and scholarly. He is practical and humble, affectionate but prudish, purposeful and industrious. I am all over the place. He would give anyone the shirt off his back.
Apparently it's a problem that I feel closer to my twitter friends than my "real life" friends. I used to tweet openly but then I got "the look." I got it from him, then I started getting it from my RL friends. Then I knew I had to go undercover. Like this is a dirty little secret. I fucking hate that.
Is your home life suffering in the midst of all this?